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iPad banned by FAA

April 4, 2010

As the first Apple iPad buyers take delivery of their units, the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) has banned the iPad from airliners, terming the tablet a “weaponized iPod/iPhone.” According to the FAA, the iPad can be thrown like a discus and therefore cannot be carried on domestic U.S. flights or international flights originating or terminating in the U.S. The accompanying photo (matt buchanan) shows iPad in throwing position.

FAA Q-division director Vrinell DeVries said, “The iPad is clearly dangerous. With only a few hours training one of our testers was able to take down a gazelle at a range of 40 feet using one of these beauties.”

Apple has appealed the decision to the FAA’s Food Services Division. Apple claims that in addition to providing users with various computing capabilities, “the iPad can be used as an in-flight food-warming tray.” The Personal In-flight Food Warming Tray (PIFWT) has a troubled history. Early designs that used radioactive isotopes to provide heat were bulky, had a tendency toward thermal runaway and were also a cancer risk. In the 1980s, Amana submitted a microwave-based PIFWT for FAA certification. During testing, however, the unit’s microwaves blanked out all air traffic control radars over Chicago. Fortunately, the FAA tester was able to use the PIFWT to vector all aircraft in the area to a safe landing while also keeping the airline-supplied meal of creamed chipped beef on toast pleasantly warm.

FAA Food Services Division personnel, subsisting on small bags of peanuts and pretzels, are being treated for  malnourishment but should issue a ruling on the iPad PIFWT certification as soon as they have the strength.

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From → jests

One Comment
  1. Seen on a package of peanuts handed out on a Southwest Airlines flight:

    “Processed in a facility that also processes peanuts.”

    Let’s all thank the lawyers for that one.

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