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First stage of Aral Sea development nearly complete

April 5, 2010

U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon said in a statement on Sunday, April 4, that the drying up of the Aral Sea “is clearly one of the worst environmental disasters of the world.”

The Aral Sea has shrunk dramatically in size. What once was a huge inland lake, the fourth largest in the world, is currently a puddle in comparison. The lake bed is now an arid, salty desert high in toxic chemicals from fertilizer washed down stream and left behind when lake water evaporated. Carried into the air by great dust storms, the salty chemical fallout is contaminating agricultural land hundreds of miles downwind. Elevated levels have been detected as far away as Scandinavia.

Today, however, a spokesman for the Calliope Corporation, a theme park developer based in Tashkent, Ohio, and often called the Disney of southwest central Ohio and northern Kentucky, held a press conference in Samarkand rebutting the Secretary General’s assertions. The Calliope spokesman announced that the redevelopment of the Aral Sea was right on schedule. “We are actually a little ahead of our time line,” spokesman Erasmus Brine said. “Before beginning construction it was important to remove the water that happened to be in the area and have a firm, stable base.” According to Brine, the Aral Sea bed is being developed into a massive theme park called “Mars World.” The attraction will recreate the dry, inhospitable Martian surface. Visitors to the park will get a feeling for moving around and living on Mars. Plans include using mothballed Soviet bombers to dump more than 5 million barrels of red paint on the dry lake surface to better simulate the look of Mars as seen in early 1950s science fiction films. If the initial “Mars World” proves successful, Calliope plans to build many more of the parks in subsaharan Africa, South America and numerous sites in Asia. “We think ‘Mars World’ has a bright global future,” Brine said.

Brine noted that plans are well advanced for several large complexes of hotels and restaurants, stores and nightclubs for the Aral Sea “Mars World” visitors. Before the accommodations can be built, however, a 2,000-mile pipeline must be constructed to bring fresh water from Russia’s Lake Baikal in western Siberia. “We will need to get the pipeline finished first,” said Brine. “It would be crazy to build a resort in the middle of a desert without a supply of fresh water.”

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From → jests

One Comment
  1. But the plan does not provide for the Soviet WIGs (wing in ground effect vehicles.

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