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NASA wins with simulated gravity – artificial time, not so much

May 13, 2010

NASA has had some success simulating gravity. It also tried artificial time, but with less clear results.

In an effort to reduce bone loss and improve muscle tone of astronauts while they are in space, NASA has worked on simulating gravity using the medieval torture device shown here. Originally used by Czar Spusnik the Feeble in Minsk during his famous “Decade of Terror” from June 1320 to October 1320, the device creates so much gravity that even Perez Hilton seems wise and statesmanlike. NASA has adapted it for possible use on the International Space Station.

NASA’s research effort to create artificial time was not so successful, however. Using the powerful atom smasher located in the back room of a Bob’s Big Boy in Alameda, Calif., NASA was able to create a surplus of time — up to 12 minutes per researcher per day. Officials found, however, that researchers spent their extra time on gossip web sites, drinking jolt cola and twittering gossip to well-known gossip web sites.  When NASA brass discovered that the project’s termination date kept getting extended every 12 minutes, they shut it down retroactively and grandfathered in fines for the participants.

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