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Manmade DNA worries that life is meaningless

May 21, 2010

Scientists goofing around in the lab after work have produced a living cell that uses manmade DNA. Genome-mapping pioneer J. Craig Ventner, who was leading the research effort while wearing a silly hat, said, “This is the first self-replicating species we’ve had on the planet whose parent is a computer.”

What particularly surprised the research team was the emotional response of the cell. It reportedly experienced anxiety about not being on Twitter, wondered if manmade DNA experienced an afterlife, and complained that even with current favorable interest rates, home ownership may be permanently out of reach for synthesized polypeptide proteins.

In an effort to ease the cell’s existential issues, Ventnor and his team enrolled the cell in a course of psychoanalysis, began daily tantric yoga and set it up for a Netflix que.

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